Divorce and Separation

The unspeakable final frontier

“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

Divorce is such a difficult subject that I have known people who simply refer to the ‘D’ word, even as they go through a divorce. The separation, the smashed dreams, the public failure, and worst of all for those with children, the children. Not only not ‘happy forever after’, but publicly too after your wedding or being together all the hopes, ideals and wishes are put on the compost pile of life, ready to be recycled into new relationships, bitternesses, fears or ‘never again’.

So is it possible that divorce or separation could be a new beginning and what could be some of the ground rules for that. Could there just, oh so possibly, be some learning for us in what our ex partner accused us of? Is it possible that we can differentiate between things we could improve on, parts where we did our best and then that sense of simply drifting apart despite our best intents.

This will be an evening with no set answers, just a willingness to explore what’s usually a taboo subject.

 

Peter Lloyd is a divorced therapist in a relationship hoping to not repeat some of his past mistakes. He’s also an interfaith minister who has celebrated over 30 weddings. He is in his 6th year of studying Process Oriented Psychology in the UK and has a private practice in Hong Kong. He is also an interfaith minister, Findhorn Fellow and former editor of Positive News Hong Kong and Holistic Hong Kong.

Process Work takes the basic premise that all disturbances have meaning, and is founded on principles from Jung, Taoism, Shamanism and Quantum Physics. It’s especially well known for its work on conflict resolution, deep democracy, myths and dreams, rank and its effect on others amongst many other aspects.

For more info: www.peterlloydpsychotherapy.com

Peter
Tel: 2982 2807

Date: 29 July, 2015, 7 – 9pm

Venue: Shakti Healing Circle: 701 Glenealy Tower, 1 Glenealy, Central. Tel: 2521 5099.

$100 to cover rental costs.

 

 

Dreams and the dreaming process.

‘A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read’ TalmudDreams

We all dream every night and have dreams of varying intensity and meaning. In this collaborative evening we will share our dreams, explore different approaches to understanding them. Jung and Freud called dreams ‘the royal road to the unconscious’, the Greeks turned to dreams for divination, and Mindell, the founder of Process Oriented Psychology, found that there is always what he called a ‘dreaming process’ wishing to unfold in our lives and that it expresses itself through our dreams and other ways in our life.

In addition to night dreams, space will be made if wanted for other aspects of our dreaming – day dreams, synchronicities and other ways the dreaming world can call upon us.

The dream shows the inner truth and reality of the patient as it really is: not as I conjecture it to be, and not as he would like it to be, but as it is.” CG Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections.

Peter Lloyd is in his 6th year of studying Process Oriented Psychology in the UK and has had a private practice in Hong Kong. He is also an interfaith minister, Findhorn Fellow and former editor of Positive News Hong Kong.

Process Work takes the basic premise that all disturbances have meaning, and is founded on principles from Jung, Taoism, Shamanism and Quantum Physics. It’s especially well known for its work on conflict resolution, deep democracy, myths and dreams, rank and its effect on others amongst many other aspects.

For more info: www.peterlloydpsychotherapy.com

Email: peterlloyd@netvigator.com
Tel: 07516116443

Date: Friday 3 July 2015, 7 – 9pm

Venue: Gold Room, Centre of Science and Art, Landsdown, Stroud. GL5 1BB.

By donation to cover rental costs.

Finding yourself in Hong Kong

It only takes a visit away to remember just how unique Hong Kong is, and what a vibrant energy it has. Underneath the successful ‘work hard, play hard’ bustle and bubble of Hong Kong lies another world of struggle known and unknown to each of us in differing degrees. The recent occupy movement has shown a new HK emerging with greater diversity. What are the flip sides of our ease, freedom and opportunity that we have in our city? What are the pressures of life here which filter through to affect our emotional and spiritual lives as well at times as our health. This will be an evening to explore all sides of living in our city, including the dreamscape of Hong Kong.

 

Peter Lloyd is in his 6th year of studying Process Oriented Psychology in the UK and has a private practice in Hong Kong. He is also an interfaith minister, Findhorn Fellow and former editor of Positive News Hong Kong and Holistic Hong Kong and author of ‘Spiritual and Alternative Hong Kong’. He was born and brought up in HK.

Process Work takes the basic premise that all disturbances have meaning, and is founded on principles from Jung, Taoism, Shamanism and Quantum Physics. It’s especially well known for its work on conflict resolution, deep democracy, myths and dreams, rank and its effect on others amongst many other aspects.

For more info: www.peterlloydpsychotherapy.com

Peter
Tel: 2982 2807

 

Date: 23 May 7 – 9pm

Venue: Club O, Mongkok, Kowloon. Translation into Cantonese will be provided.

 

Finding yourself in Hong Kong

It only takes a visit away to remember just how unique Hong Kong is, and what a vibrant energy it has. Underneath the successful ‘work hard, play hard’ bustle and bubble of Hong Kong lies another world of struggle known and unknown to each of us in differing degrees. The recent occupy movement has shown a new HK emerging with greater diversity. What are the flip sides of our ease, freedom and opportunity that we have in our city? What are the pressures of life here which filter through to affect our emotional and spiritual lives as well at times as our health. This will be an evening to explore all sides of living in our city, including the dreamscape of Hong Kong.

 

Peter Lloyd is in his 6th year of studying Process Oriented Psychology in the UK and has a private practice in Hong Kong. He is also an interfaith minister, Findhorn Fellow and former editor of Positive News Hong Kong and Holistic Hong Kong and author of ‘Spiritual and Alternative Hong Kong’. He was born and brought up in HK.

Process Work takes the basic premise that all disturbances have meaning, and is founded on principles from Jung, Taoism, Shamanism and Quantum Physics. It’s especially well known for its work on conflict resolution, deep democracy, myths and dreams, rank and its effect on others amongst many other aspects.

For more info: www.peterlloydpsychotherapy.com

Peter
Tel: 2982 2807

 

Date: 11 March 7 – 9pm

Venue: Shakti Healing Circle: 701 Glenealy Tower, 1 Glenealy, Central. Tel: 2521 5099.

Donation to cover rental costs.

 

 

Dreams and the Dreaming Process

“A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read.”Dreams
Talmud

Welcome to an evening to explore and share dreams. We all dream every night and have dreams of varying intensity and meaning. In this collaborative evening we will share our dreams, explore different approaches to understanding and why Jung and Freud called dreams the royal road to the unconscious. The Greeks turned to dreams for divination, and Mindell the founder of Process Work found that dreams reflect our body symptoms and dreaming process wishing to unfold.

In addition to night dreams, space will be made if wanted for other aspects of our dreaming – day dreams, sychronicities and other ways the dreaming world can call upon us.

“The dream shows the inner truth and reality of the patient as it really is: not as I conjecture it to be, and not as he would like it to be, but as it is.”
CG Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections

When

10 December 2014, 7 – 9pm

Where

Shakti Healing Circle
701 Glenealy Tower, 1 Glenealy,
Central, Hong Kong

Tel: 2521 5099

A Gender Agenda

Men and Women

Blue or Pink? Man or Woman? A Gender Agenda?

Welcome to an evening to explore and share with each about gender. Is there such a thing as masculinity? Or femininity? If so, what are those male or female qualities? Are they universal? Are we programmed to behave as our perceived idea of how our gender behaves? There is so much pressure on us whether cultural or internalized within us to be a certain way, to emote in certain ways, to relate to anger or sensitivity in particular fashions that sometimes we can miss our own nature. Depending on interest in this evening we will also explore topics including the legacy of patriarchy, whether gender identity affects sexuality (or vice versa), the recent decision by Germany to identify a third ‘intersex’ for those of no gender, or how our views of gender affects us as parents.

“Gender uncertainty opens up a world of human experience, not male experience or female experience. It means as humans we are unlimited in our capacity and interest in being whole, not being split in a gender category that defines us…”
—Dawn Menken, PhD, “Raising Parents: Raising Kids”

“Take it like a man, don’t cry, don’t cry.
Take it like a man, hold your head up high.
Sure she broke your heart, when she said goodbye,
But you, you gotta take it like a man.”

—song by Walker brothers

“My experience informs me that there are certain feelings that are supported for boys, and others more for girls. Girls are still discouraged from expressing anger and being direct. Girls still receive the message early on to be ‘nice’ to accommodate, and to not hurt others. Boys get less support to show sensitive feelings, tenderness, and still get the message that crying is weak.”
—Dawn Menken, PhD, “Raising Parents: Raising Kids”

When

12 September 2014, 7 – 9pm

Where

Shakti Healing Circle,
701 Glenealy Tower, 1 Glenealy,
Central
Tel: 25215099

 

Taking It Like a Man

There is so much pressure and expectation put on men today. To be strong, a breadwinner, fit, handsome, successful in business, bed and sport. And with a 21st century twist to also not repeat the mistakes of our fathers and our father’s fathers and to be more emotionally literate and sensitive, change the nappies and take paternity leave to care for our family.

Like many men, despite a life lived in alternative circles and spiritual communities, I too felt that pressure to be the prototype male. To be my father’s son, which in my particular case, given a notably successful father, was a hard act to follow.

I tried and yet given the standards of wishing to perform to my Dad’s levels of success have failed. Living a life of relative lack of financial prosperity in a city focussed on money (Hong Kong) also did not help. Whilst I could see I had made some contributions, there was an underlying sense of failure in me, compared to the genetic program I had inherited. Squaring this circle, of wishing to be successful on my own terms and then realizing that part of the drive to be successful was an inherited drive, was a tough task.

4 years ago a couple of related events happened that completely changed my relationship with masculinity and maleness.

When I was left by my girlfriend for another man, it hit me very hard and I felt humiliated and fundamentally a failure as a man. Hitting rock bottom, I realized something had to change. I had already gone through a painful divorce with my son living in another continent. Thank God, I had already signed up to start a long term psychotherapy training, and I contacted one my best friends to conduct a rite of passage into manhood. I had been in a few men’s groups, but in hindsight the last one simply deepened and worsened the sense of pathology I had about not being man enough.

The rite of passage in to manhood really was a powerful event, a 10 day ritual with a 4 days fast in a desert but with a year’s preparation and half a year’s follow up. Unexpectedly out there in the desert, I realized that I could be as feminine a man as I wished to be. Paradoxically this realization felt very masculine to me.

Combining this with my studies in Process Work, which included weekly therapy, brought me to a new realization about masculinity and how we perceive ourselves. What I learnt in theory and in practice was that elementary dictum of accepting myself exactly as I am. Seemingly so simple yet in reality a journey in itself. In Process Work we have a term ‘deep democracy’ and we combine it with the verb ‘marginalizing’ to describe how we can be against parts of ourselves. This usually happens because of a belief system or because of an ‘affect’ or ‘complex’ (to use the psychological jargon), parts of ourselves stuck in the past calling for healing. If we are against a part of ourselves, as I was against my lack of traditional masculinity or the fact that my skill set was not in making money in Hong Kong, then it manifests itself continuously as signals we send out to others. Perhaps a slumped shoulder, a tic in our speech, or a projected anger onto others who are successful.

We in Hong Kong, live in a city with a strong yang (male) energy. If we don’t fit that culture, then there is a sense of going against the tide. Conversely in a very feminized culture, to be very driven would have the same feeling and that part of a person would be culturally marginalized. There is no prescribed right or wrong way to be in Process Work, we are on a journey of awareness into discovering who we truly are. It’s part of human nature to have marginalized some aspect of ourselves. In some ways, the therapeutic journey is a journey back to wholeness through including parts of our unique identity which we had to momentarily freeze out and the age old truth that we are fine just the way we are.

We can, as was true for me, be unaware that we are against parts of ourselves. Culturally there are values praised and discriminated against. If we are gay for instance, or differently able then we get marginalized by society. In the microcosm of our internal world we do the same thing too.

My experience the last mens group I was in is that there is an unconscious presumption of what are good male qualities and thus an inherent discrimination against the fullness of the human spectrum. Though initially the group was helpful and even liberating for me, i now am in a phase of questioning this presumption. Maleness for me now is one construct among many, such as sexuality and other boxes we put on ourselves. There may be inherently male qualities, I really am not sure anymore if even that is true. Assuming it is though, and that femininity likewise has certain features, we all have qualities within both sides of the spectrum and whoever we are is our journey as individuals. It’s more important for me now to become aware of our internal deep democracy and being aware of all that we are.

So for me I realize now that I am who I am, a man who is not relatively good at being a provider in the traditional sense. At least for now. There is such a relief in me at admitting this – publicly even! Suddenly I can see the systemic pressures on individuals to be certain ways.

As mentioned before there is a paradox to really embracing this feminine part of myself. I feel incredibly strong about who I am and the greater social background behind discriminating subtly against those who are different. I am conscious that this very article is possibly also a heterosexually biased viewpoint. Jung had a term called ‘enantadromia’ which alluded to the fact that when you go fully into one aspect of our psyche the opposite can emerge. Rage can be followed by calm. And acknowledging my failure at being a man, and finding peace with the fact that I don’t do money or conventional strength well, has being incredibly strengthening. So paradoxically I feel far stronger and clearer. In fact what may be a defining masculine quality!

I welcome you all to experience just who you are too in your fullness.

God and Therapy

The Eye of God

“In awareness work, the most divine thing is exactly what is happening right now, in the moment, inside of you and in front of your nose. From the awareness viewpoint, change is inherent in all life, you don’t have to work at it, change brings itself about.”
Arnold Mindell Ph.D, Deep Democracy of Open Forums

Welcome to an evening to share and talk about where spirituality and therapy overlap. For some people they are separate worlds, yet increasingly they cross over and inspire each other. It is the qualities that underlie psychotherapy, though, which appear to be the most applied spirituality. Qualities such as compassion, openness to the new, non-judgementalism and acceptance. The world of dreams and myth can influence our daily life and speak to our deeper yearnings to feel the presence of the divine.

Therapy brings up lots of questions as to contemporary spirituality. How does God speak to us? How do we incorporate the numinous into our worldview? Are we open to all of ourselves, including the parts of ourselves we don’t like? Can we be compassionate with the parts of ourselves that we struggle with such as being unforgiving, anger, jealousy?

When

7 April 2014, 7 – 9pm

Where

Shakti Healing Circle
701 Glenealy Tower, 1 Glenealy,
Central, Hong Kong

Tel: 2521 5099

Dreams and the Dreaming Process

Dreams and the Dreaming Process

“A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read.”
Talmud

Welcome to an evening to explore and share dreams. We all dream every night and have dreams of varying intensity and meaning. In this collaborative evening we will share our dreams, explore different approaches to understanding and why Jung and Freud called dreams the royal road to the unconscious. The Greeks turned to dreams for divination, and Mindell the founder of Process Work found that dreams reflect our body symptoms and dreaming process wishing to unfold.

In addition to night dreams, space will be made if wanted for other aspects of our dreaming – day dreams, sychronicities and other ways the dreaming world can call upon us.

“The dream shows the inner truth and reality of the patient as it really is: not as I conjecture it to be, and not as he would like it to be, but as it is.”
CG Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections

When

25 January 2014 & 10 December 2014 , 7 – 9pm

Where

Shakti Healing Circle
701 Glenealy Tower, 1 Glenealy,
Central, Hong Kong

Tel: 2521 5099

Why Relationships Matter

Why Relationships Matter

A talk on relationships, meeting the world, yourself and others through relationships.

Using Process Work principles we will explore the different ways we can gain greater awareness of our relationship issues, and how they have meaning for us and can help us develop greater awareness and compassion for ourselves and others. We will explore many concepts including: conflicts, using inner work to work with external conflicts, projection, internal & external relationships, rank and privilege, different levels of relationships and how to use difficulties and disturbances in the different relationships we have in the world.

When

16 January 2014, 7 – 9pm

Where

Shakti Healing Circle
701 Glenealy Tower, 1 Glenealy,
Central, Hong Kong

Tel: 2521 5099